$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
