Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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