I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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