i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
