im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
