Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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