you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you will always have a special place in my vag
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
