Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
