I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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