his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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