If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
