I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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