thus making me awesome and them whores
apparently the secret to your success is patron
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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