ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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