She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
