I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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