Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
