I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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