Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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