her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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