Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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