Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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