don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
