im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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