just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
