i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
birth control should be required to get into college
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
