Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
