I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
