I wanna bring you to show and tell
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
