i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
