i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
