We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
