He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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