i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
