I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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