Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
