I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
