sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
