Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
