Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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