stop calling my apartment porn island.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
