So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
