hotel room ftw
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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