I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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