so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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