"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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