I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
