So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
