Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
