mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
