Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
