My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
