you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
