I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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